I’m not sure how it all started, but tech companies nowadays are trying to show a funnier and ‘funner’ side to their corporate personality. Presented below is a list of April Fools day videos from YouTube. Enjoy!
Category Archives: Anecdotes and Funny Stories
Vintage Phones Going For A Song
It would definitely be a crazy idea to sell a vintage phone for a tidy sum of RM 1499.00, but that is exactly what Digi did. The phones were definitely NOT going for a song, but I had to choose word that rhymed with the rest of the title. With April Fool’s day lurking just around the corner, I just couldn’t help glancing at Digi’s latest ‘offerings’ with suspicions. I’m not sure if the company has done this before, but it seems that the folks at Digi are not without a sense of humor. The first device that caught my eye was the ever-venerable Nokia 3310, which was what Nokia made they married a tank with a microchip (it was tough and state-of-the-art at the time). The phones definitely have their selling points, chiefly being the toughness of the devices, and in their own words, with one model even sporting a ‘super thick’ antenna. Who needs to carry a weapon when you can just use your phone in self-defense? Another selling point? Check.
In no order of specific importance, some of the features found across the range are as follows:
- Awesome snake game.
- Vibration alert (yeah right).
- Real buttons you can press (wow! Long time no see!).
- Looks cool when you answer phones (and I thought only BlackBerry users were dinosaurs).
Also, Digi is being such a darling for throwing in a whopping 30GB of Internet for the devices. Internet done right? Maybe, except that it may take till the next Ice Age to spend all 30 gigabytes of the allotted quota, which is hardly surprising since, you know, the phones come equipped ultra-modern WAP browsers. Not.
The Mobile Shall Inherit the Earth
The mobile shall inherit the earth they say. At least, judging by how often some people fondle and caress their mobile devices, that might be going to happen some time soon in the future. In fact, it’s already happening as I am writing this. Image credits: www.bonkersworld.net.
I’m not getting all biblical about this, but have you ever tried leaving the house without your mobile device? It doesn’t feel good for me, because it makes me feel ‘naked’.
Parkingson’s Disease (Also known as ‘Kuching Drivers’ Disease’. Not to be confused for Parkinson’s Disease, which is a degenerative neuro-motor disease) [Satire]
A plague is sweeping across the town causing drivers in Kuching to display what appears to be signs of Parkingson’s disease. There have been no official annoucements from the local authorities, but a Kuching-born expert in this field, Dr. (‘Driver’, not ‘Doctor’) Lionel Lam, has compiled a list below to help with identifying the progression of this disease, as well as how to help those infected to cope better with their lives (and driving skills). There has been no word on the cause of this disease, but rumor has it that it is caused by certain Hollywood blockbusters and bad parenting skills. Patrons of car club meets and car-modding workshops are at high risk of getting infected.
Stage 1: Early Detection
Symptoms include weakness of limbs, particularly the legs, resulting in over-dependence of using motor vehicles even for short distances (300 meters or less) and the inability to walk from parking lots and spaces. Early signs of the disease are often hard to detect, but affected individuals are advised to get a medical check-up if they show signs of irritability on the roads. Symptoms usually only manifest when the affected individuals are behind the wheel.
Stage 2 Progression: Brain Infection
As the disease progresses to a slightly more advanced stage, the victim’s brain becomes infected, causing additional symptoms, including but not limited to, occupying more than one parking lot and/or leaving their cars parked at the roadside, much to the inconvenience of law-abiding drivers. Emotional instability may manifest, especially when said individuals are confronted by members of the law-enforcement group.
Stage 3 Progression: Worsening Signs
As the disease progresses to the third stage, the symptoms will worsen significantly. What used to be 300 meters walking distance from the parking lot will reduce to anywhere between 5 meters to 20 meters. Compulsive groaning and grunting (more like cursing and swearing actually) and other Neanderthalish behaviour will manifest.
Treatment
Treatment is fast and painless. Either lock up the offending individuals, or lock up their car keys. This disease is often difficult to treat because the affected individuals usually behave like other normal-functioning individuals when not in the driver’s seat, and is thus difficult to detect.
Government Initiatives
The Ministry of Health appears to be unable to help as many affairs with regard to this new outbreak are not within their jurisdiction. The government is however mulling the possibility of creating a crony company to handle this health menace.
English as it is Broken
English as it is broken. But I think that whoever wrote this had indeed taken that whole ‘broken’ thing to the next level.
I don’t expect to see any ‘motorbites’ parked there anytime soon.
Now Everyone Can Eat, and Ride?
“Now Everyone Can Fly!” (Yeehaa!)
How right they are. It used to cost so much more to fly around the country, and even more to fly out of Malaysia.
Then came Air Asia, and the rest became history.
The coming of Air Asia solved the problem of air-travel, which for many Malaysians like me, was rather expensive at times.
Then came another company, that for obvious reasons, gave me an impression that it wants to help prepare us Malaysians for some kind of impending famine or something.
With the wordings ‘Food Asia’ so prominently emblazoned on the red awnings shown above, it’s hard not to imagine that we might soon witness the rise of Malaysia’s (and the world’s?) first ‘low-cost’ food eatery, right? Hmmm, let’s find out…
A quick look at their website (www.FoodAsia.net, duh!) reveals an assortment of mouth-watering delights, from our local Sarawakian Apam Balik to the not-so-local Philippines Mee Hoon. I think they’re quite right about the pricing though; you can get just about any dish for RM 4.00 and below, and dessert for RM 3.00 or less. Finally, a place to get some decent food without burning a hole in your wallet. “Now Everyone Can Eat!”
And if that wasn’t enough, wait till you see this…
“Now Everyone Can Ride!”
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Airbus at Kuching Waterfront
What??!!
Sorry for the unusual title, but I had to grab your attention. I was taking a walk along the waterfront with my uncle just yesterday, taking photos, when I noticed something rather unusual.
There’s just something about the name that I don’t get.
Is it a bus? Check.
Made by Airbus. Definitely a no no.
Nothing like the real thing:
I wonder why the bus company decided to put an ‘Air’ there. Should call it ‘Road’ Bus la…
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Home Sweet Home
That’s it! I’m back home, and as I’m writing this, I’m enjoying my mug of hot milk. I had never eaten so much in so long, and just to think of it, I have all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted to do, and that includes putting on a kilo or two. I guess I’ll be looking a little more plump by the time I have my graduation portrait taken!
So am I feeling relaxed? A definite yes, after months of toiling and working like a donkey! Am I happy? Not quite. Why? I’M BORED!!!!
If you wondering what this photo is all about, then I have succeeded in drawing your attention, and wasting 5 seconds of your ‘precious’ life! I got bored, so I decided to put up a peculiar photo here…
Holiday Resort Syndrome
In case you’re wondering, I came up with the above-mentioned term, so it wasn’t coined by any doctor. Just come to think of it, insanity is a by-product of immobility! Two days have gone by and I have done nothing productive, save for the moments I glanced at my calendar. Instead of torturing myself mentally, I have decided to take a week off relaxing and chilling out with close friends. Speaking about chilling out with friends, the weather in Kuching has been unbearably hot, and I often find myself dragging my feet in the sweltering heat of the day. I can hardly disagree with Lee Kuan Yew that one of man’s greatest achievements is the invention of the air-conditioner. Air-cond is king! After all, imagine me turning on both my computers (computer’s produce heat….duhhh) in my bedroom on an especially humid day. That is tantamount to suicide…
This is how my bed office looks like. I work here from 9 to 5, daily…
My To-do List
Time is short. Life is short. Boredom is eternal. Here’s a list of some stuff to be done this long holiday season:
- Get married to a part-time job.
- Get my business rolling.
- Set up my home network and get 3 of my computers connected to the internet (this will turn my home into an oven…computers are hot!!)
- Tour around Kuching, and pretend to be a tourist from KL or Singapore.
Ah…my beloved kampung….
Hmmm…or did I mention blogging? I guess I’ll be spending more time writing about my hometown. Do check back for more info. 😉
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Being helpful hurts…sometimes…
It’s that time of the year when students over here at UTM are struggling to finish their assignments and final year projects. It’s also one of those times when I wish I had more in common with instant messaging software like Live Messenger; I really wish I can walk around carrying a ‘busy’ or ‘no entry’ sign around my neck to urge people to stop bugging me! Arghhh!!!
I believe in the power of ‘word-of-mouth’ marketing. I also believe that helping people would result in getting showered with blessings from high above. But I also believe that when people ‘promote your services’ (oh boy, and you do get the phone ringing that way…) and that your own final year project is starting to feel lonely, it’s time to put on that ‘busy’ sign, again. That is one of the main reasons why I appear offline pretty often on Live Messenger. Instead of blessings, I’m just starting to feel that the time spent helping people would have been better spent trying to untangle the mess and iron out all the kinks in my own final year project.
Gosh!
I have to admit, I’m starting to feel like a celebrity being hounded by hordes of paparazzi. So what can I do to ward off all these distractions?
I could:-
- Fake my death. (Ouch! I’d be missed by loved ones in the process…)
- Assume a new identity.
- Buy an island, then assume the tales and adventures of Robinson Crusoe.
- Becoming a secret agent, withholding my identity and current location.
- Wear a disguise. Change disguise as often as required.
- Speak in a foreign language and pretend that I’ve lost my ability to speak English and Malay.
- Wear a ‘busy’ sign, and look like a lunatic for the rest of the semester.
- Rendering myself incommunicado to the outside world.
Getting ‘lost’ in your own island paradise…hmm…
I’m seriously considering the 7th option, but I would risk getting stoned to death or burned at the stake. The 8th option is the preferred. So if you’re trying to call me and find a sweet female voice on the other end saying “I’m sorry, the….[I-can’t-remember-this-part]”,then you’ve caught me at the wrong time. It’s a moment of glory and courage. The sanctity of war, fighting for one’s survival in academia, is justified. It’s time to prepare for battle!
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‘lah’ – Manglish at it’s Best
“Don’t be like that la!”
“Why you like that la!”
“I’m a good guy la, don’t get angry…”
“What I want for lunch? Whatever la…anything la…”
“Terrible la you, go fly kite!”
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Have you heard people speaking English in this way? If you have, welcome to Malaysia!
Manglish = ‘Mangled English’?
To the typical foreigner who is unfamiliar with Malaysian customs and traditions, may I have the honour of introducing to you one of the world’s most peculiar quirks in the field of language development.
Manglish = Malaysian English/ English (Malaysia)/ Malicious English (I made this one up)
According to Wikipedia, ‘Manglish’ is the slang term used to describe the version of English that is colloquially spoken in most parts of Malaysia. (You can check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manglish). Thanks to the ethnic and cultural diversity of Malaysia’s population, Manglish has been further enriched with a wealth of languages and dialects such as English, Hokkien (a Southern Chinese dialect), Mandarin, Cantonese and Tamil. If there’s one thing that we Malaysians can truly be proud of, the culmination of blood and sweat (I’m beginning to think that’s an exaggeration…), it’s the creation of Manglish, one language (unofficially), one nation, one dream. If by now you’re wondering why Manglish was never adopted (and NEVER will be) as an official language, just read on!
Let’s Learn Manglish!
The truth is, with a bit of practice and commitment, Manglish is not difficult to learn, or at least, identify. Please see below for a list of well known particles and components of Manglish. Let the lessons begin!
| Word | Meaning | Example |
|---|---|---|
| lah | Used to affirm a statement (similar to “of course”). Frequently used at the end of sentences and usually ends with an exclamation mark (!). It is derived from and has the same meaning as the Chinese expression “?”. | Don’t be an idiot lah! |
| nah | Used when giving something to another person, often in a rude or impolite way. | Nah, take this! |
| meh | Used when asking questions, especially when a person is skeptical of something. Derived from the Chinese expression “?”. | Really meh?
Cannot meh? |
| liao | Means “already” Derived from the Chinese expression “?”. | No stock liao. |
| ah | Derived from the Chinese expression “?”. Used at the end of sentences, unlike meh the question is rhetorical. Also used when asking a genuine question. Besides that, some people use it when referring to a subject before making a (usually negative) comment. | Why is he like that ah?
Is that true ah? My brother ah, always disturbs me! |
| lor | Used when explaining something. Derived from the Chinese expression “?”. | Like that lor! |
| d/dy/ady/edy/ridy | Derived from the word “already”. Often used in online chatroom by the youth in Malaysia, although in speech, speakers will often pronounce as ‘ridy’ | I eat ‘d’ ‘loh’, I eat ‘ridy’ |
| le | Used to soften an order, thus making it less harsh. Derived from the Chinese expression “?”. | Give me that le. |
| one/wan | Used as an emphasis at the end of a sentence. It is believed to derive from the Chinese way of suffixing “?” at sentences. | Why is he so naughty one ah? |
| what | Unlike British/American English, the word ‘what’ is often used as an exclamation mark, not just to ask a question. | What! How could you do that?
I didn’t take it what. |
| got/have | Used as a literal translation from the Malay word ‘ada’. The arrangement of words is often also literally translated. The use of this particular particle is widespread in Manglish, where ‘got’ is substituted for every tense of the verb ‘to have’. | You got/have anything to do? (Kamu ada apa-apa untuk buat?)
I got already/got/will get my car from the garage. Got or not? (Really?) Where got? (To deny something, as in Malay “Mana ada?”, and also in Chinese “Nali you?” as spoken in Malaysia) |
Source: http://www.wikipedia.org
See? Isn’t Manglish easy to learn? Now that you have some idea of what Manglish is all about, let us move on the next section.
Okay Kids, the Word for Today is ‘Lah’…’L-A-H’, ‘Lah’…
Nobody knows where Manglish came from. It was just there, and everywhere. It became obvious that a ‘language’ such as Manglish, so lovingly embraced as the ‘mother tongue’ of Malaysians, must surely be included as a subject in schools. After all, language development takes place best in the early years of childhood right? Logical? Rational? Unlikely.
You may have noticed from the article in Wikipedia, that Manglish is also famous for it’s richness in cross-cultural profanity. Not only did Malaysians have the benefit of learning the words and phrases of other languages (Manglish is a blend of several languages, right?), but they also had the privilege, handed out in a golden platter, if you wish to put it that way, of learning each other’s forbidden grammar. I won’t risk putting those word and phrases here, for risk of my blog eventually mobilizing the teacher’s union and education ministry, or even becoming a lawsuit magnet. For the curious handful of you, you can start looking here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manglish#Nouns
And the King is….LAH….
Yes, in terms of dominance and popularity, no other word in the Manglish vocabulary can stand up to the word ‘lah’. As the old adage goes, if you’re Malaysian, say ‘lah’. As Wikipedia puts it, “The ubiquitous word lah (/l??/ or /l??/), used at the end of a sentence, can also be described as a particle that simultaneously asserts a position and entices solidarity.”. Don’t get it? Don’t worry la…neither do I. I only know how to use the word. Simple, straightforward, plain Manglish.
Love Thy Neighbour
A little love does indeed go a long way. Long was it goes, from a time perspective. Ever wondered where Singlish (Singapore English, oh no, not again…)came from? Singlish is supposed to be similar in many respects to Manglish, but there are some syntactical differences, so a Singaporean friend of mine claims. I could cover a bit about Singlish, but that would be out of the scope of this article. Want to know more about Singlish? Do your homework la! Go Google…
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